Breaking the News: Tom Scott and Matt Gray bonehead the budget

Breaking the News: Tom Scott and Matt Gray bonehead the budget


(NEWSREADER) ‘A huge day in prospect at Westminster…’ (POLITICIAN) ‘…I don’t think anybody saw this coming’ (NEWSREADER) ‘…about the scale of how bad ‘these growth figures…’ It’s budget day in London, April 22nd, and today I have one mission: which is to get in the background of as many news camera shots as possible. There are film crews swarming across the capital. I’ve got an Oyster card, a London A to Z… There is just one problem. (LAUGHS) I, however, don’t need an Oyster card because I’ve got this: the Mattmobile. It’s ten o’clock, game’s started, we’re kind of stuck in traffic… ‘Two hundred miles away, ‘a crack team of researchers were watching TV ‘and telling us where the cameras were.’ How you guys doing up there? We’re all right! Okay, I can barely hear you, where do I need to go? Head across to Westminster. Right, Westminster. They’ve got a camera crew there, and they’re just catching MPs… They’re catching MPs. Parliament Green! Okay, thanks Toni, bye bye. Thank you! Let’s go. Tom’ll be heading into the city now on the Underground, probably gaining on us. But we heard from the command centre earlier that one of the tube lines is closed. ‘Because of industrial action, there is no service ‘in either direction on the Victoria Line.’ Fantastic! The Victoria line’s on strike. How can one tube line go on strike? (MUSIC: This Morning theme) The windows look like grey panes on the outside, don’t they? ‘I had a plan. And it involved ‘getting my face behind Philip Schofield.’ Yeah. There’s a lamp post near a circle-y bit, isn’t there? If I climb that then I should be able to get on it. (TUBE DOORS CLOSE) Somewhere round here is that bit of green that they always interview the politicians on. Meanwhile, Matt Gray… Matt Gray is stuck somewhere in traffic, somewhere in London. The magic of London is its road system, which is built on the Middle Ages(!) It’s actually just a statue with serieses of traffic lights dotted everywhere and you just have to guess! I’m kind of wishing I had my Oyster card now. ‘The next station is Westminster.’ ‘Hello. Are you OK?’ Er, yeah, we are heading towards Blackfriars Bridge There were a couple of roads closed that we needed, so… Right. It might be worth leaving that and trying to find somewhere to park and heading to Downing Street. ‘The command centre were right. ‘As I parked, Tom was already at Westminster, ‘although running with a backpack in a tube station ‘wasn’t the smartest thing he’s ever done. ‘I had some ground to make up.’ (MUSIC: BBC News theme) Hello, a very good morning to you. We will of course have all the latest on the Budget… ‘It was a straight race – ‘but I had a mile head start. ‘And I didn’t run like a girl.’ Right there. Right there! That’s them. That’s definitely them. They’re live at Westminster on both channels right now. OK! Right, can you see the policeman and the street? I’m basically behind the BBC setup right now. You’re behind the BBC one? Stay there because they will be going back to that after VT. – Here? – They’re back on another guy, you need… You’re in shot! You’re in shot now! Wave! (MUSIC: Praan by Garry Schyman) There you go! How was that? Yes! 20 points! For about a second… Okay, let’s get to Sky News, let’s go! ‘First blood went to me. ‘I called Matt. Mostly just to gloat.’ Hello Tom! Twenty points! Twenty? Ah, no… I was on camera dancing behind BBC news, so that’s 20 points. Right, I’m going to have to go, I’m too far away now. I’ll see you later. See you. Bye bye! (MOUTHS) Yes. ‘I got there soon after. But not before Tom ‘had spent ten minutes failing to work out ‘where Sky’s cameras were pointing. I couldn’t get it. They’re getting wise to this. They’ve moved their cameras so they’re angling up at people, behind Parliament, missing the street. We’re going to have to be very crafty for this one. Nice glasses. Cheers. We’re going to investigate Downing Street. I’ll see you in a bit. OK, cool. See you. ‘The BBC had a camera pointed at the Chancellor’s door. ‘Sooner or later he’d have to come out ‘and that meant driving out of Downing Street.’ I’m not allowed down there. The press are – there’s lots of press cameras outside Number 10 and 11 and the occasional, um, Cleaning Solutions van. I’m assuming that it’s actually Cleaning Solutions and not some secret government agency. And now we play the waiting game. From here in Liverpool, Huw, back to you. Declan Curry there in Liverpool. Now throughout the program, we want to hear from you… ‘I don’t think they wanted to hear from us.’ Our political editor Adam Boulton is with some of them in Westminster. Adam. Yeah, Dermot, you can follow me on Twitter and all, I don’t know how it works but you can apparently. Anyway. ‘Right, we can just see the railings ‘at the very bottom of the shot ‘and the police, on their side of the road You want to be between the bald guy and the guy with brown hair. Er – but that’s, no, that shot’s moved again This is bloody Sky, they cannot hold a shot in the same place. Look, I Twitter too Adam, I’ve got to go back and Twitter Prime Minister’s Questions – we’re up to date! We’ll get to see you, but you probably can’t do anything stupid. Literally, you get four seconds. ‘What Tom couldn’t do with ten minutes of effort ‘I did with two minutes and sheer luck. ‘Pity I didn’t realise it. ‘And while Tom waited, ‘I got the BBC as well.’ …to tell us what they’re expecting. Jon. Yeah, Huw, a joyous occasion not to be freezing on College Green for once(!) Ooh. Hello. Another call from the command centre. Hello? Right, they’re live! You’ve got absolutely loads of places that you can go here. Er — Here’s a reminder of the momentous economic background to today’s budget statement. They’ve just gone to VT. Try and find a point where you can see the camera and – erm – you should be in shot at some point. Yeah. Hang up on me now and save battery for the both of us. We’re joined now, here, outside Westminster… There he is! There – oh – he’s on. Yes… Do something stupid, Matt! I’ve just hung up! Do something stupid, you idiot(!) Oh… There! Right! Now! ♪ It’s fun to stay at the ♪ YMCA ♪ It’s fun to stay at the ♪ YMCA… ♪ There you go! (LAUGHS) Well done Matt, that’s 20 points. Hello Matt! Hello Tom! So how are things for you at the moment? Got any more points(?) No, there’s nothing going on. We thought there was a guy with a ladder who was gonna take some video, not happening. You are on 20 points. I am currently on confirmed 30 points. Oh, no! On a BBC interview with Iain Duncan Smith, I did the YMCA. Okay. See you, Matt… See you later, Tom. Good luck. Good luck. Bye bye. I’m winning. ‘And then, to make things worse, ‘the Chancellor took a diversion.’ (REPORTER) Just for those people who are puzzled by the geography of what we’re looking at, he hasn’t gone on to Whitehall, he’s driven through the archway of the Foreign Office. They’re going to most curious route. They’re going down to the Embankment, I would hazard a guess. Well – er – anyway, we’re going through the back way… ‘With no more points, ‘I headed back to Parliament ‘and met up with Matt.’ You could still get 10 more points by doing something stupid behind Sky News. Yes. And I could still get 20 more points by doing that, which would put us on a tie. I think we’re probably standing in the wrong place. Yes. Our best bet, probably, is to go back that way, isn’t it? Let’s go. ‘Then the Chancellor started delivering the budget ‘and the news cameras outside took a break ‘so we did the only thing we could: ‘watched it.’ (REPORTER) The Chancellor predicts that the economy is going to shrink by three and a half percent this year, far worse than previous predictions. (CHANCELLOR) ‘Targeted help to find a new job ‘as quickly as possible…’ Ow! (TOM) ‘Matt’s balls gave me an idea.’ Let me borrow the balls, please. What are you going to do? Are you going to juggle them in the background of the shot? I want to do that! Er, although politically I think it was interesting how David Cameron, as I predicted… Not fair! Not fair! ‘It was a valiant effort ‘but the Sky News security team ‘shut us down very quickly indeed.’ The trouble is, Sky News, they’re angling way too high. Way too high up. We’d have to climb up… ‘Then I realised the solution ‘had been right in front of me.’ ‘Abingdon Street.’ I’ve had the Plan B of getting in the background of the London local news later on this evening, er, hopefully the command centre will be able to find me a story that’s happening in London. ‘They could.’ The first Tube strike under Mayor Boris Johnson… ‘It was awesome. ‘And it was in the one place that Tom, ‘even with his Oyster card, ‘couldn’t get to. ‘The Victoria Line.’ To the Mattmobile! There is no-one on there… ‘And while Matt drove, ‘I did the only thing I could. ‘Keep going round, ‘and round… ‘and round.’ ‘The traffic was terrible, even for London. ‘Especially for London. ‘Then Tom got a bit of news ‘from the command centre.’ Inside Parliament? The BBC are now – hang on – let’s get this bus! ‘The BBC had set up a camera ‘in the Central Lobby of Parliament ‘which, technically, is open to the public.’ Right, so it’s going to be just me, going in, and using that… okay. Okay. I can try that. ‘So I had a decision to make. ‘Stay with the bus, which might never work, ‘or try the Central Lobby, ‘which I might never get in to? ‘But as luck would have it, ‘I didn’t have to make that choice.’ Here we go, in fact – right now. I’m right now passing. Sky News. Get — oh, this might work! This might work! Okay, here we go, bus is going past… er… left, right to left? For a long period, er… (DRAMATIC MUSIC) …to the left of Labour, er, of New Labour in power, er… ‘And to make it even better, ‘the BBC were live too.’ (MUSIC DROWNS OUT SPEECH) That had to have worked. Yes! (MOUTHS) ‘Time went on, ‘and our deadline approached. ‘Matt had been stuck in traffic jams ‘for hours. ‘I was waiting in a sweltering, ‘sun-scorched queue. ‘A reporter missed his entrance. ‘BBC cameras were headed to the Victoria line ‘as the command centre ‘desperately tried to plot Matt a route. ‘Could either of us score some final points?’ …in early 2011, they weren’t… ‘Yes, I could. ‘What you can’t see is the three policeman ‘and two security guards ready to arrest me ‘if I step out of line, ‘so while all I could manage ‘was a sharp salute to camera, ‘it still counted.’ (BIG BEN CHIMES) ‘And that was time. ‘We met up, finally, ‘in a car park on the South Bank.’ Long day. It’s been a very long day. Well done, Matt. You’ve won, haven’t you? I’ve won. Sorry, Matt. Yet more proof you can’t drive round London. Yeah. (THEY LAUGH) Let’s go to the pub. Yeah. (ENDING MUSIC) Subtitles by Tom Scott

100 thoughts on “Breaking the News: Tom Scott and Matt Gray bonehead the budget

  1. What have we learned today? The value of a functioning public transportation system. I’m looking at you, USA

  2. NB, was that like the only road in London that doesn't have an open topped double decker tour bus driving down it?

  3. Hey that music at the end was in Prehistoric Park. I don’t know if it’s FROM P.P., but it was definitely in it.

  4. Public transportation vs driving. We finally know which is truly better. I mean I had a good feeling but now there's definitive evidence.

  5. This came out a decade ago. I was in elementary school when this came out. Tom has a ponytail. I'm having a crisis.

  6. 2009: nah
    2010: maybe a little longer
    2011: just a second
    2012: one more minute
    2013: they don't want it now
    2014: maybe next year
    2015: we changed our minds, next year
    2016: okay just a little longer
    2017: not quiet yet
    2018: nope
    2019: HERE YOU GO

  7. Youtube in 2009: Nah
    Youtube literally 10 years later: Hey let's recommend this shiz!

    Wasn't disappointed haha

  8. 1:47 This makes me so sad ;( Little do they know in a mere 2 years no one will be talking anymore and everyone will be staring at their cell phones like zombies

  9. Yt:
    2009 no
    2010 ni
    2011 nine
    2012 ninen
    2013 999
    2014 nine nine nine
    2015 no thanks
    2016 no no no no no
    2017 no…
    2018 ….
    2019 ye ye my subscription box clout

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