Being sad is funny!! Logan Paul has an exciting announcement! And can pugs be racist?
(Hmmmmmmmmmmmm) This and more in Pew News.
(Best news ever) I am Gloria Borger. (Pew sounds) (Pew News Intro plays) ( pewds in his girl accent) Hello everybody, it’s Gloria Borger Welcome back to poo *cough* *dies, then sips his Pew News mug* Ah, that’s much better Have I told you about our new merch? You can buy one. Check out the link in the description. I think you’ll like it. Tastes great Now let’s get into the first NeE tu yu, guys Nichole Arbur, the smug-face son of a… ball Has returned to YouTube with another one of her wonderful comedy sketches Nichole, of course, which last year, published a very famous video Dear Fat People, where she basically conveyed the message that i-it’s your own fault okay You’re just being really lazy And now she made a video in the same sort of fashion But about depression Now I don’t personally give my own opinions here Pew news, I am Biased… Unbiased. I keep getting it wrong *laughs*( lol) I am completely unbiased But I think this is great And I, for one, can’t wait for the video “dear disabled people” Uh, dear disabled people It’s all in your head heheheheheehee Look, you just have to stand up. I can do it *stands up* So can you. It’s all in your head, stupid She uploaded the video, saying “why depression is all in your head” Only one person can get you out of depression, and that person is you It’s all in our head. All in our head You idiot, it’s genetic. Haha nope. ( wow she is pretty stupid) Now we are getting a little into youtube gossip territory right now But i feel like i have to give you enough context Because that’s really important So, basically, right Nichole Arbor used to date that top 10 guy on youtube His name was Matthew Santoro I think (it is) And they used to be together And everyone was like “why is she dating him. He is so ugly” But she has a really ugly character ( 10/10 roast) So it sort of works out But then, all the sudden *poof* they broke up Everyone was like “why” And then he made a really crying video Saying “oh, she hit me” And then Nichole replied “Well, I didn’t hit him, that’s bullsh*oof*” It’s not true, I did not hit her I did not (oh hi Mark) And then Matthew made a video a few months later saying “I am depressed” Now, Nichole is making fun of depression because she wants to get back on her ex That’s right, we dig deep here on Pew News *laughs* No, for real, Nichole.. I sort of understand what she’s trying to say Most people go through periods of life where they are feeling down And that’s not the same as depression A lot of people already don’t think that depression is a real illness with real symptoms So trivializing it as you’re just feeling bad is irresponsible Just flat out short-sighted And a complete lack of empathy for other people Just because something worked for you, doesn’t mean it’ll work for other people Same thing with diet. E-Everyone is different, and they react differently to These things. It’s just how it is And just because you figured it out doesn’t mean you have the answer for everyone *pewd’s noises* (but can you do this) I’m Gloria Borger, and the next news is very interesting That’s right Last week Drake, famous Canadian rapper Played Fortnite (wow) And everyone lost their mind It is the greatest thing that has ever happened to the internet The fact that another human being Plays video games Just blew everyones’ minds This livestream broke a twitch record, and came out in a recent interview that Ninja makes 500,000 a month Playing video games. That is almost as much as I make *sips pew news mug for advertisement* * immature cough* Whenever there is success in a certain field online There’s always a swarm of people coming in afterwards you have The flies to the pies The creatins to the sweatins The maggots swarming to the f-f-fine *claps as he thinks of what to say* So Logan Paul, of course the low live scumbag announced that he is going to do a twitch stream as well, which is apparently news worthy because he gained 200,000 followers Without even livestreaming Excuse me, excuse me I have 900k on twitch, and I never stream on twitch Why does no one care about me if This doesnt prove, once and for all, that the media is biased towards me, then nothing will A lot of twitch streamers have had something to say about this. We have Summit saying that i dont think that people should be upset at all about Logan Paul on Twitch. the amount of people he could bring over from Youtube can only be a good thing for the site because theres more people now and a-and use your buisness mind on this one dudes.. *laughs* Yes, great. Other people are saying. so logan paul is gonna start streaming abd bring his sh*oof* should i read it in a female voice? so logan paul is gonna start streaming and bring his *oof* toxic idiot fanbase over to twitch i cant see anything positive for the community as a whole lol They’re all kids, they’re all kids, they’re all kids It’s not important It’s doesn’t matter. Nothing matters Stop. Just stop. Please. Why do you care It also shows that Logan is planning on doing a fortnite livestream with rapper Soulja Boy I think you can link between systems Just let me know bro, we can get a place together asap I’m pretty sure- why would anyone wanna see that The reason why the drake fortnite thing was popular Was because Ninja is actually really good at fortnite Combined with a really popular celebrity Which, I don’t want to give this credit, but I will for the sake of Logan Paul It legitimized the streaming community in a way that has never been done before It hurts to say that No one is gonna want to see these buffoons play It’s so moronic Why does he think he can do the same thing My god Is this what we’ve come to in online entertainment Whatever is popular, everyone else is just going to do Oh shoot, that’s what I’ve been doing for years, dammit ignore that last bit guys, dont worry about it *advertises mug* pewpewpewpewpew Next news comes from Youtuber convicted of hate crime making a nazi joke Just hold on, one second guys Excuse me, Pewdiepie’s lawyer Am I going to jail No, because I am more attractive and more popular? Okay, that makes sense So what do I do Pewd’s lawyer: Just tell everyone that you’re really upset about this Uh huh Got it This is absolutely despicable Why anyone would make a nazi joke Is completely beyond me Especially pug related, that’s the lowest of the low The fact that it was a joke doesn’t matter. At all. I don’t understand these people With these terrible senses of humor Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Count Dankula needs to go to jail. And I’m so glad that this man is put behind bars because I will finally feel safe at night. Knowing that this man will not make anymore nazi jokes Disgusting Absolutely despicable Hate crime. Hate crime. Boo Now I’m going to boast about this on social media so that people can like me and actually think I’m good even though I actually have no positive qualities about me except shunning other people even though I’m The real question here I know you’re thinking as well Why hasn’t the pug gone to jail Why is the pug allowed to keep spreading hate crime Absolutely, there is no justice in this world For real though, if you haven’t seen the video- I don’t want to show it because it probably just going to demonetize this video and it probably is already and please buy mug Nevertheless, he basically said I want to get back at my gf while she’s away So I’m gonna play a prank on her So I’m gonna teach her dog To be a nazi Which is the ugliest thing I can think of That was the pretext of the video That is the context It was clearly set out to be a joke And anyone who watched the video can understand that, but you can also take What was taken out of context, which seems to be A common theme these days And dismay completely the fact that it was, indeed, just a joke It’s supposed to be a joke You may not find it funny But that doesn’t change the fact Of the intent behind it Ricky Gervais, British comedian, tweetd out about this saying a man has been convicted on a UK court of making a joke that was deemed “grossly offensive” if you dont believe in a person’s right to say things that you might find “grossly offensive”, then you dont belive in the freedom of speech Which is so true If you’re curious why he got convicted Even though we do have freedom of speech There are a few exceptions to the law What he was convicted for was the 127 communications act There’s a lot of people defending this verdict saying that he deserves to go to jail That’s right LAD Bible does news Thank you, Stewart Thank you for showing everyone what a quintessential moron looks like You’re supposed to be a journalist Although it’s from LAD Bible, you’re still supposed to be a journalist Do you understand what you’re writing Do you understand anything at all? What you’re saying, or what you wrote Yes, count dankula is not above criticism Anyone has the right to speak out against him People have the right to feel whatever way they want about the video Like it, dislike it, it doesn’t matter The point is, it’s not up to the government to decide whether it’s a joke or not It’s a scary thing for any society That the government have that power, in my opinion That, to me, doesn’t mean freedom of speech We have laws to protect for hate crimes But they shouldn’t cover what is meant as jokes And what isn’t set out to be any ill intent or harm Anyone that watched the video knows that that’s the case, and i think that’s the case for my original video Yes, was my video about criticism? Absolutely not But anyone that watched the video understands That there was no ill intent behind it But it’s so easy nowadays to take any clip out of context And say “this is hateful” It’s a dangerous act Especially now that the government comes into play That being said, I already have too many things in common with count dankula I am now going to auction away this pug. That’s right He is a despicable pug That will put me into jail So please, someone take this dog away from me I don’t want him anymore, and I don’t want anythign to do with Count Dankula Oh, am I boring you (Pewds sounds) I’m Gloria Borger, and this was Pew News everybody, Remember to leave a like This video is 100 percent going to die from monetization, so make sure to check out the mug It’s…. out of drink so I don’t even know why I tried Thank you, and namaste, and goodbye Goodnight Americans And people See you Pew News (best news ever) Outro