Speaker Nancy Pelosi: I Don’t Hate Anybody

Speaker Nancy Pelosi: I Don’t Hate Anybody


( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT IS SUCH A GOOD THURSDAY CROWD, I WISH THEY COULD STICK
AROUND AND BE THE FRIDAY CROWD. YOU’RE AMAZING. NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN THOUGH. ANYWAY —
>>Jon: YEAH.>>Stephen: WELCOME TO “THE
LATE SHOW,” EVERYBODY. I’M YOUR SHOWS STEPHEN COLBERT. THERE IS —
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU FEEL THIS EXCITEMENT?>>Jon: I FEEL IT.>>Stephen: YOU FEEL THE
ELECTRICITY? IT’S LIKE THE ROOM IS SOAKED
WITH GASOLINE! THERE’S IMAGINE INCOME THE AIR
HERE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MAGIC! ♪
♪>>Stephen: HEY! MAGIC HERE AT “THE LATE SHOW.” YOU KNOW WHY —
IT’S THE MERGER OF CBS AND VIACOM. I KNOW THEM BY THEIR CELEBRITY
COUPLE NAME, “THE PEOPLE THAT PAY ME.” ( LAUGHTER )
TO CELEBRATE THE MERGER, VIACOM-CBS GOT TO RING NASDAQ’S
OPENING BELL THIS MORNING, AND THEY GAVE THE HONOR TO THE FACE
OF THE BRAND, THE MAN YOU KNOW AND LOVE —
SPONGEBOB! AND HIS FRIEND, ME! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SpongeBob AND ME! ME AND SpongeBob RIGHT THERE.>> *6
I’M LESS HANDSOME, BUT I’M WAY MORE ABSORBENT. ( LAUGHTER )
OF COURSE, THE JOINING OF VIACOM-CBS MEANS WE’LL GET GREAT
NEW CROSSOVERS, LIKE “RUPAUL’S STAR TREK THIS MORNING, STARRING
TEEN MOM: NEW ORLEANS.” ( LAUGHTER )
GAYLE LOOKS GOOD WITH SPOCK EARS, THAT LOOKS NICE. IN FACT, THANKS TO THIS MERGER,
ALL OF AMERICA’S FAVORITE NETWORKS WILL BE TOGETHER —
CBS, NICKELODEON, COMEDY CENTRAL, SHOWTIME, MTV, VH1,
BET, I.U.D., B.T.-DUBS, I.B.S., D.U.I., AND THE NEW U.T.I. STREAMING SERVICE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
STARRING CRANBERRY JUICE.>>Jon: I DON’T KNOW IF THEY
WANT THAT ONE.>>Stephen: IN HONOR OF THIS
UNION, I’D LIKE TO OFFER MY BLESSING. CBS, VIACOM, MAY YOU GRANT
EVERLASTING VALUE TO YOUR SHAREHOLDERS, DELIVERING
DISTINCTIVE PREMIUM BRANDS WITH UNMATCHED REACH IN KEY U.S. TARGET DEMOS. L’VIACOM! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) THERE YOU GO, SHERRY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IS THAT ENOUGH? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) ( AUDIENCE CLAPPING IN TIME TO
MUSIC )>>Stephen: WHILE CBS AND
VIACOM ARE COMING TOGETHER, WASHINGTON IS COMING APART AT
THE SEAMS. I’LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN
THE LATEST INSTALLMENT OF “DON AND THE GIANT IMPEACH.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>NOT ONLY WASN’T THERE A CRIME, IT’S NOT EVEN A WORD THAT
SHOULD BE USED.>>STEPHEN: THIS MORNING, HOUSE
SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI HAD A BIG IMPEACHMENT ANNOUNCEMENT —
>>TODAY, I AM ASKING OUR CHAIRMAN TO PROCEED WITH
ARTICLES OF IMPEACHMENT.>>STEPHEN: THAT’S RIGHT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT’S RIGHT! YES. MOVE ID AHEAD! MOVE IT AHEAD.>>Jon: STRAIGHT AHEAD! STRAIGHT AHEAD!>>Stephen: RIGHT THERE! THAT’S RIGHT. AFTER OPENING AN INQUIRY INTO
THE POSSIBILITY OF IMPEACHMENT AND THEN READING THE REPORT, AND
CONSIDERING THE IMPEACHMENT OPTIONS, WE’VE FINALLY MADE
IT… TO THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF THE STARTING! ( LAUGHTER )
AND WE’RE ABOUT START THE BEGINNING OF THE MIDDLE. THEN IMPEACHMENT! THEN THE SPEAKER LAID OUT HER
MARCHING ORDERS FOR HOUSE DEMOCRATS.>>LEGISLATE, INVESTIGATE,
LITIGATE.>>STEPHEN: AS OPPOSED TO
TRUMP’S PLAN — (AS TRUMP)
“OBFUSCATE, IRRITATE, PARTIALLY HYDROGENATE CHOCOLATE CAKE ON A
PAPER PLATE THAT I ALSO ATE.” ( LAUGHTER )
>>Jon: WOW!>>Stephen: THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL — I LIKE THAT. ( LAUGHTER )
PELOSI ALSO HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE TODAY THAT WAS
SPIRITED.>>DO YOU HATE THE PRESIDENT,
MADAME SPEAKER?>>I DON’T HATE ANYBODY. I WAS RAISED IN A CATHOLIC
HOUSE. WE DON’T HATE ANYBODY. NOT ANYBODY IN THE WORLD.>>Stephen: WELL SAID! WE CATHOLICS DON’T HATE ANYONE! OKAY? ( APPLAUSE )
WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO. WE DON’T HATE ANYONE. THAT’S WHY WE WAGED 11 CRUSADES. TO REMIND PEOPLE HOW MUCH WE
LOVE THEM. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) THE INQUISITION WAS JUST A
TICKLE FIGHT THAT GOT OUT OF CONTROL. ( LAUGHTER )
THE SPEAKER WAS NOT DONE.>>I STILL PRAY FOR THE
PRESIDENT. I PRAY FOR THE PRESIDENT ALL THE
TIME. SO DON’T MESS WITH ME WHEN IT
COMES TO WORDS LIKE THAT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>STEPHEN: YES, NANCY PELOSI PRAYS FOR THE PRESIDENT. AND I PRAY FOR THAT REPORTER. ( LAUGHTER )
(AS REPORTER) “UH, MADAM SPEAKER, FOLLOW-UP
QUESTION — CAN I HAVE MY BALLS BACK? ( LAUGHTER )
YES, NO? OKAY. I’LL GO. I’LL GO. ( PIANO RIFF )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THIS MORNING, TRUMP COMPLAINED
THAT THE DEMS ARE THE REAL BAD GUYS HERE. “THE DO-NOTHING DEMOCRATS HAD A
HISTORICALLY BAD DAY YESTERDAY IN THE HOUSE. THEY HAVE NO IMPEACHMENT CASE
AND ARE DEMEANING OUR COUNTRY. BUT NOTHING MATTERS TO THEM,
THEY HAVE GONE CRAZY. THEREFORE, I SAY, IF YOU ARE
GOING TO IMPEACH ME, DO IT NOW, FAST, SO WE CAN HAVE A FAIR
DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT… …DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT TRIAL IN
THE SENATE, AND SO THAT OUR COUNTRY CAN GET BACK TO
BUSINESS. WE WILL HAVE SCHIFF, THE BIDENS,
PELOSI AND MANY MORE TESTIFY, AND WILL REVEAL, FOR THE FIRST
TIME, HOW CORRUPT OUR SYSTEM REALLY IS. I WAS ELECTED TO ‘CLEAN THE
SWAMP,’ AND THAT’S WHAT I AM DOING!”
( LAUGHTER ) WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. HOLD ON — DID HE SAY “CLEAN THE
SWAMP?” ( LAUGHTER )
PRETTY SURE HIS CATCHPHRASE IS “DRAIN THE SWAMP.” HE CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER HIS OWN
THREE-WORD SLOGANS. (AS TRUMP)
“LOCK THE WALL! BUILD HER UP!”
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND, OF COURSE, HIS FAMOUS HAT —
“DO AMERICA NICE SOON.” ( LAUGHTER )
WHILE THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN DEFENDING HIMSELF, THE VICE
PRESIDENT HAS ALSO BEEN VICE-BUSY. YESTERDAY, MIKE PENCE SPENT THE
MORNING WITH HOUSE REPUBLICANS, CHEERLEADING FOR TRUMP AHEAD OF
IMPEACHMENT HEARING. MUST HAVE BEEN VERY ROUSING. (AS PENCE)
( LAUGHTER ) “GIVE ME A T. OKAY. GIVE ME AN R. ALL RIGHT. DON’T SPELL YET. THERE’S MORE.” ( LAUGHTER )
PENCE ALSO TOLD HOUSE REPUBLICANS THAT BOTH HE AND
TRUMP APPRECIATED THEIR SUPPORT AS TRUMP BATTLES THE GREATEST
THREAT TO HIS PRESIDENCY TO DATE. THE GREATEST THREAT TO HIS
PRESIDENCY? SO… HIMSELF? ( LAUGHTER )
(AS TRUMP) “STOP DOING CRIMES!”
“NO, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!” “YES, I CAN!”
“WAIT! LET’S HAVE MAKE-UP SEX!”
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( APPLAUSE )

31 thoughts on “Speaker Nancy Pelosi: I Don’t Hate Anybody

  1. McConnell refusing to protect our elections. Amy McGrath is running against McConnell in KY. Jaime Harrison is running against Graham in SC. We can support these quality candidates, and others, regardless of which state we reside in. Phone banking and other volunteering is critical, so those who cannot donate $ can still take part. We should do all we can through civilized, civic action, as the safety and well being of our People, nation and the greater good of the world depend on it.

  2. What was that, negative Nancy? Did she just say no for the sake of saying no? Stop beating around the bush, we ALL hate that guy.

  3. It's too bad that I'm late joining this episode and the comments here. SO many Trolls! How to recognize Trolls: https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/russia-troll-2020-election-interference-twitter-916482/

  4. oh yay another multi conglomerate merger that does eff all for anyone who isn't a stockholder or employee. Think I'll go have a Moki-coke

  5. This is all a charade. Republican senators will not vote to impeach the president. This is just a way for establishment democrats (ie. moderate Republicans) to appear to be #resisting while continuing to vote in favour of corporations over the people. It has the added benefit of taking Senators Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren off the campaign trail for several weeks leading up to the nomination.

  6. Pelosi at night: Oh Lord Jesus, please redeem Donald from his suffering, by God’s grace, release him from the White House so he shall prosper in a life filled with prostitutes and cheeseburgers and far away from office 🙏🏼

  7. I guess I've been out of the loop for quite a while, I thought Viacom and CBS merged years ago. Turns out they did; then they split, and now they're back together again.

  8. Funny how you can hear mostly female cheering, of Pelosi at 4:53 — and mostly male laughter, at Stephen's sexist joke re Pelosi, at 5:09.

  9. Being raised in a Catholic household! Why did no one ask her as a Catholic why she supports abortion? Joe Biden no longer can take communion due to his stand on abortion. Can't have it both ways.

  10. Nancy's (and Joe's, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRwXkzAqWNM&feature=em-comments) agression are typical for people who have a lot to hide. They maybe can fool all the people some of the time and maybe some of the people all the time, but they can't fool all the people all the time.

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