Lie Witness News – Canada is America’s 51st State

JIMMY KIMMEL: The NBA Finals. This is the first ever final between the US and Canada, which, of course, is fun. But I want to point something out that’s been bothering me. And it’s the Raptors team slogan. Have you heard it? We the North. You see it everywhere. And besides it being bothersome from […]

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High Witness News – People Lie About Being High

High Witness News – People Lie About Being High

AS YOU KNOW, WE DO OUR SHOW HERE IN LOS ANGELES, WHERE MARIJUANA IS LEGAL FOR RECREATIONAL PURPOSES. AND YOU’VE EVER BEEN TO ONE OF THESE SHOPS YOU KNOW THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF DIFFERENT PRODUCTS OUT THERE. SMOKEABLES, EDIBLES, VAPE PENS, PATCHES, YOU NAME IT THEY MAKE IT. SO WE DECIDED TO HAVE A LITTLE […]

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Lady Gaga on Oscar Win & Being “In Love” with Bradley Cooper

Lady Gaga on Oscar Win & Being “In Love” with Bradley Cooper

THIS SUNDAY NIGHT, MILLIONS OF WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD BECAME FURIOUS WITH THEIR PARTNERS FOR NEVER LOOKING AT THEM THE WAY BRADLEY COOPER LOOKED AT OUR FIRST GUEST DURING THEIR SHOW-STOPPING MUSICAL PERFORMANCE. SHE IS A BRAND-NEW OSCAR WINNER FOR HER WORK IN THE MOVIE “A STAR IS BORN” WHICH RETURNS TO THEATERS FOR ONE […]

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Celebrities Read Texts from Their Moms

IT REALLY IS. MOMS, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, DO SO MUCH FOR US. THEY GIVE BIRTH TO US. THEY BRIBE TO GET US INTO USC. THE LIST GOES ON AND ON AND ON. AND THEY ALSO TEXT US. SOMETIMES A LOT. AND SO, AS A TRIBUTE TO THE WOMEN WHO SEND US SO MUCH LOVE WITH […]

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Slow Jam the News with President Obama

Slow Jam the News with President Obama

President Obama still has eight months left in office before his second term is up. Naturally, this is a time to look back on all he’s accomplished over the past eight years. You know, I was going to make a joke about this, but I — [ Laughter ] I don’t think it needs a […]

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Guest Host Jennifer Lawrence Interviews Kim Kardashian West

Guest Host Jennifer Lawrence Interviews Kim Kardashian West

OKAY, LET’S DO THIS. I HAVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH OUR FIRST GUEST AND HER FAMILY FOR OVER A DECADE — IN A VERY HEALTHY WAY. [ LAUGHTER ] SHE IS THE QUEEN OF REALITY TV, SOCIAL MEDIA, AND NOW, COSMETICS, TOO, WITH HER COMPANY KKW BEAUTY. PLEASE WELCOME KIM KARDASHIAN WEST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE […]

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3rd Grader Explains Fake News to Donald Trump

3rd Grader Explains Fake News to Donald Trump

FOR A FIRST DATE IT DOESN’T GET MORE ROMANTIC THAN THAT. TRUMP FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER TWEETED ABOUT STORMY DANIELS. AFTER STORMY AND HER LAWYER RELEASED A SKETCH ARTIST RENDERING OF THE THUG SHE SAYS TRIED TO SCARE HER. TRUMP RETWEETED THIS PHOTO COMPARISON THAT INSINUATED THE GUY IN THE SKETCH WAS HER OWN […]

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Can You Name a Country?

Can You Name a Country?

ALL RIGHT, NOW TIME FOR SOMETHING, I DON’T KNOW IF THIS WILL BE EDUCATIONAL. BUT, THE PRESIDENT IS OVERSEAS. VISITING BELGIUM, ENGLAND, SCOTLAND, AND THEN HIS PAL PUTIN IN FINLAND. A BIG TRIP WITH MANY IMPORTANT RAMIFICATIONS. IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT AMERICA HAS STRONG RELATIONSHIPS WITH. AND KNOWLEDGE ABOUT PEOPLE IN OTHER LANDS. AND THAT […]

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Tech Companies Are Hit Hard by Trump’s US-China Trade War

Tech Companies Are Hit Hard by Trump’s US-China Trade War

-We’ve got a fun show tonight. Dakota Johnson is my guest tonight! [ Cheers and applause ] Jon Lovitz is stopping by! I love Jon Lovitz! And Post Malone is here! [ Cheers and applause ] Actually, in honor of Post Malone, everyone in tonight’s audience is going home with a face tattoo. There you […]

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Slow Jam the News with Mayor Pete Buttigieg

Slow Jam the News with Mayor Pete Buttigieg

-Indiana mayor Pete Buttigieg is continuing to gain support in the Democratic primary. I was going to make a joke about this. But I don’t think it needs a joke. I think it needs to be slow-jammed. You know what I’m talking about, Tariq? -Yeah, Jimmy, I think you’re saying you want to slow-jam this […]

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