Lie Witness News – Canada is America’s 51st State

JIMMY KIMMEL: The NBA Finals. This is the first ever final between the US and Canada, which, of course, is fun. But I want to point something out that’s been bothering me. And it’s the Raptors team slogan. Have you heard it? We the North. You see it everywhere. And besides it being bothersome from […]

Read More

High Witness News – People Lie About Being High

High Witness News – People Lie About Being High

AS YOU KNOW, WE DO OUR SHOW HERE IN LOS ANGELES, WHERE MARIJUANA IS LEGAL FOR RECREATIONAL PURPOSES. AND YOU’VE EVER BEEN TO ONE OF THESE SHOPS YOU KNOW THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF DIFFERENT PRODUCTS OUT THERE. SMOKEABLES, EDIBLES, VAPE PENS, PATCHES, YOU NAME IT THEY MAKE IT. SO WE DECIDED TO HAVE A LITTLE […]

Read More

Lady Gaga on Oscar Win & Being “In Love” with Bradley Cooper

Lady Gaga on Oscar Win & Being “In Love” with Bradley Cooper

THIS SUNDAY NIGHT, MILLIONS OF WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD BECAME FURIOUS WITH THEIR PARTNERS FOR NEVER LOOKING AT THEM THE WAY BRADLEY COOPER LOOKED AT OUR FIRST GUEST DURING THEIR SHOW-STOPPING MUSICAL PERFORMANCE. SHE IS A BRAND-NEW OSCAR WINNER FOR HER WORK IN THE MOVIE “A STAR IS BORN” WHICH RETURNS TO THEATERS FOR ONE […]

Read More

Celebrities Read Texts from Their Moms

IT REALLY IS. MOMS, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, DO SO MUCH FOR US. THEY GIVE BIRTH TO US. THEY BRIBE TO GET US INTO USC. THE LIST GOES ON AND ON AND ON. AND THEY ALSO TEXT US. SOMETIMES A LOT. AND SO, AS A TRIBUTE TO THE WOMEN WHO SEND US SO MUCH LOVE WITH […]

Read More

Guest Host Jennifer Lawrence Interviews Kim Kardashian West

Guest Host Jennifer Lawrence Interviews Kim Kardashian West

OKAY, LET’S DO THIS. I HAVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH OUR FIRST GUEST AND HER FAMILY FOR OVER A DECADE — IN A VERY HEALTHY WAY. [ LAUGHTER ] SHE IS THE QUEEN OF REALITY TV, SOCIAL MEDIA, AND NOW, COSMETICS, TOO, WITH HER COMPANY KKW BEAUTY. PLEASE WELCOME KIM KARDASHIAN WEST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE […]

Read More

3rd Grader Explains Fake News to Donald Trump

3rd Grader Explains Fake News to Donald Trump

FOR A FIRST DATE IT DOESN’T GET MORE ROMANTIC THAN THAT. TRUMP FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER TWEETED ABOUT STORMY DANIELS. AFTER STORMY AND HER LAWYER RELEASED A SKETCH ARTIST RENDERING OF THE THUG SHE SAYS TRIED TO SCARE HER. TRUMP RETWEETED THIS PHOTO COMPARISON THAT INSINUATED THE GUY IN THE SKETCH WAS HER OWN […]

Read More

Can You Name a Country?

Can You Name a Country?

ALL RIGHT, NOW TIME FOR SOMETHING, I DON’T KNOW IF THIS WILL BE EDUCATIONAL. BUT, THE PRESIDENT IS OVERSEAS. VISITING BELGIUM, ENGLAND, SCOTLAND, AND THEN HIS PAL PUTIN IN FINLAND. A BIG TRIP WITH MANY IMPORTANT RAMIFICATIONS. IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT AMERICA HAS STRONG RELATIONSHIPS WITH. AND KNOWLEDGE ABOUT PEOPLE IN OTHER LANDS. AND THAT […]

Read More

Lie Witness News – North Korea Edition

Lie Witness News – North Korea Edition

PREFERENCE. GOOD TIMES. ALWAYS SOMETHING GOOD GOING ON. BACK TO NORTH KOREA. YOU KNOW, THE PRESIDENT, THIS NORTH KOREA TRIP, HE IS VERY EAGER TO MAKE A DEAL WITH KIM JONG UN, AND WE DECIDED TO HAVE SOME FUN WITH THAT. WE WENT OUT ON THE STREET TODAY AND ASKED PEOPLE WHAT THEY THOUGHT ABOUT […]

Read More