Who Is Mike Pence Again?

Who Is Mike Pence Again?


>>Stephen: BUT OF COURSE
TONIGHT WAS REALLY ALL ABOUT VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MIKE
PENCE. (LAUGHTER)
WHAT YEAR IS IT? (LAUGHTER)
OKAY. PENCE IN HIS SPEECH WASTED NO
TIME PRAISING DONALD.>>HE’S A MAN KNOWN FOR A LARGE
PERSONALITY, A COLORFUL STYLE AND LOTS OF CHARISMA. AND SO I GUESS HE WAS JUST
LOOKING FOR SOME BALANCE ON THE TICKET.>>Stephen: YES. YES, HE’S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. HE’S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. (APPLAUSE)
ADDING PENCE REALLY BALANCES THE TRUMP TICKET. CRAZY BORING 2016. (APPLAUSE)
BUT AS A FAMILY VALUES CONSERVATIVE, PENCE HAD ONE
WARNING.>>HISTORY TEACHES US THAT
WEAKNESS AROUSES EVIL.>>Stephen: YES. WEAKNESS AROUSES EVIL. AND AMERICA MUST BE STRONG OR
WE’LL BE SURROUNDED BY EVIL BONERS. YOU KNOW, AND PENCE–
(APPLAUSE) WEAKNESS, WEAKNESS IS THE VYING
RA OF EVIL. AND THEN PENCE LAID OUT HIS
CREDENTIALS.>>I’M A CHRISTIAN, A
CONSERVATIVE AND A REPUBLICAN, IN THAT ORDER.>>Stephen: YES, IN THAT
ORDER. FOURTH I’M A LIST MAKER, FIFTH
I’M A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE HE FORE GOT TO BE AN ASTRONAUT. AND SIXTH, SIXTH, I’M A TACKLING
DUMBEE IN A SUIT. BRING IT OUT HERE. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, SIR. WE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT PENCE’S
BACKGROUND. HIS FAMILY, HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS
AND BELIEFS. NO QUESTION WAS LEFT UNANSWERED
EXCEPT FOR ONE. WHO’S MIKE PENCE AGAIN? (LAUGHTER)
WELL, I’LL TELL YOU, I’LL TELL YOU, FOLKS, GOVERNOR MIKE PENCE
WAS BORN IN COLUMBUS, INDIANA ONE MORNING WHEN I BELIEVE
LIGHTNING STRUCK A JAR OF MAYONNAISE. (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE) I’M BEING UPSTAGED BY AN
INANIMATE OBJECT OVER THERE, I CAN’T ARE THAT. AS A CHILD PENCE WAS AN
OVERACHIEVER WHO WAS ONCE EVEN AWARDED A TROPHY FOR BEST DENIM
JUMP SUIT. AND PENCE WILL BE A GREAT VICE
PRESIDENT BECAUSE HE ALWAYS HAD BIG IDEAS. FOR INSTANCE, IN 2001 HE WROTE
AN OP ED SAYING DESPITE THE HYSTERIA FROM THE POLITICAL
CLATION AND THE MEDIA, SMOKING DOESN’T KILL. WHY? BECAUSE TWO OUT OF EVERY THREE
SMOKERS DOES NOT DIE FROM A SMOKING-RELATED ILLNESS. IT’S TRUE. NO, IT’S TRUE. SMOKING DOESN’T KILL YOU IF YOU
DON’T COUNT THE PEOPLE WHO DIED FROM SMOKING. JUST 33%. BUT IT’S NOT JUST SMOKING. IT IS NOT JUST SMOKING, FOLKS. PENCE HAD HIS EYE ON ANOTHER
ISSUE OF NATIONAL IMPORTANCE. THE MOVIE MULAN. IN 1999 HE PENNED ANOTHER OP ED
CLAIMING THE FILM WAS TOO POLITICAL, SAYING QUOTE, SOME
MISS CHIEFOUS LIBERAL AT DISNEY ASSUMES THAT MULAN’S STORY WILL
CAUSE A QUIET CHNG IN THE NEXT GENERATION’S ATTITUDE ABOUT
WOMEN IN COMBAT. OH, HE’S RIGHT, NO, IT’S SUBTLE
BRAIN WASHING. THE SAME WAY DISNEY IS KNOWN FOR
PROMOTING HUMAN ANIMAL HYBRIDS, PLURAL MARRIAGE AND BESTIALITY. (APPLAUSE)
BE OUR GUEST, BE OUR GUEST. (APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHTER) IN 2015 PENCE IGNITED A FUROR
WHEN HE SIGNED INDIANA’S RELIGIOUS FREEDOM RESTORATION
ACT WHICH ALLOWED BUSINESSES TO DISCRIMINATE AGAINST LGBT
PATRON– PATRONS BUT HE WAS JUST FOLLOWING THE OLD SAYING, THE
CUSTOMER’S ALWAYS STRAIGHT. NOW A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE OUT
THERE SAYING, I DON’T CARE ABOUT MIKE PENCE. INCLUDING DONALD TRUMP. BUT IF TRUMP AND PENCE WIN, YOU
WILL CARE ABOUT PENCE BECAUSE THERE IS HUGE VICE PRESIDENTIAL
NEWS JUST OUT TODAY. YOU SEE, WHEN TRUMP WAS VETTING
OHIO GOVERNOR JOHN KASICH AS A POSSIBLE RUNNING MATE, HIS SON,
DONALD TRUMP, JR., ASKED GOVERNOR KASICH, DID HE HAVE ANY
INTEREST IN BEING THE MOST POWERFUL VICE PRESIDENT IN
HISTORY. WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING SINCE
WE HAVE ALREADY HAD A VICE PRESIDENT WHO WAS HALF MACHINE
AND GOT AWAY WITH SHOOTING PEOPLE IN THE FACE. (APPLAUSE)
AND APPARENTLY WHEN KASICH’S ADVISOR ASKED HOW THIS WOULD BE
THE CASE, DONALD, JR. EXPLAINED THAT HIS FATHER’S VICE PRESIDENT
WOULD BE IN CHARGE OF DOMESTIC AND FOREIGN POLICY. THEN WHAT, THE ADVISOR ASKED,
WOULD TRUMP BE IN CHARGE OF. MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. NOW I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE, A
LOT OF YOU OUT THERE THINK TRUMP ISN’T QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT. WELL, ISN’T IT COMFORTING TO
KNOW THAT DONALD TRUMP AGREES
WITH YOU.

100 thoughts on “Who Is Mike Pence Again?

  1. "Why of course the people don't want war. Why should some poor slob on
    a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best he can get out of
    it is to come back to his farm in one piece? Naturally the common people
    don't want war neither in Russia, nor in England, nor for that matter in
    Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the
    country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to
    drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist
    dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no
    voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders.
    That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked,
    and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the
    country to danger. It works the same in any country."

    Hermann Goering, Third Reich

  2. evil boners……………lol………..America Beware……….of…………….crazy/boring………….colbert is the funniest!!

  3. I live in Indiana and I am ELATED that Donald Trump kidnapped this fooleywanger from Indy, so we can replace him with someone who knows what they're doing…One thing I will give The Donald a handshake for!

  4. I'm not American and every time he says Mike Pence I hear "My Pants", does it happen to you too or it's just because I'm not a native speaker?

  5. It would've been better if when he said weakness arouses evil, Colbert had said yes weakness arouses evil. And fear leads to anger anger leads to hate hate leads to suffering

  6. LOL funny but there's no way this could be true or not exaggerated. Stephen does realize that there are a lot of idiots who will take what he says as absolute truth right?

  7. Pence is an establishment tool that will carry out the GOP agenda while Trump just keeps being a fucktard. They're so transparent about their hypocrisy, but the GOP are embodiment of hypocrisy. Match made in heaven.

  8. Sorry, but Cruz is all anyone remembers from Wednesday… Yes, it's because he was an unbelievable asshole, but still, that's all anyone will ever remember from that night…

  9. Pence is the most boring man on a major party ticket since Al Gore. And his attempts at puns are even worse…

  10. How many Secret Service will be needed for Trump's family compared to Clinton's Family? Where are the Libertarians meeting for a convention?

  11. Why oh why do these republicans cheer so much at the whole christian thing. Why oh why are these republicans so stupid. So in love with their constitution when it comes to freedom and guns, but christianity and seperation of church and state? fuckkkkkk these stupid people. fuckkk the american corrupt political system creating such stupidity and ignorance.

  12. Christ I love the US but these idiots really make you wonder about the sanity levels in the general population

  13. "EVIL BONERS!" Hee-lair-ee-us! Those two deflated old white blowhards, HERR DRUMPF & HIS MOST RECENT KOWTOWING SYCOPHANT – deprived of their daily Viagra – should be so evilly lucky! And this pale "Christian first" Pence (who did NOT include "patriotic American" among his first three self-aggrandizing "humble-brag" very boastful traits) being spawn from a mayonnaise jar being struck by lightning (a wholehearted belly laugh inducing line I am still trying to stifle), well that only demonstrates that THE master, Stephen Colbert, is at his BEST GAME when political matters are his fodder!

  14. The american people should know better than to elect Trump as president. There is nothing more than a regressive, xenophobic, hateful and intolerant candidate in Trump.

  15. people from other countries have been blaming us austrians and germans for 70 years for electing hitler. we did it at gunpoint. when I listen to trump i really wonder whats your excuse

  16. I really like how Stephen Colbert is willing to overlook all the crap on the left. Of course he would have to to make all his jokes work. Don't get me wrong what he has to say is funny but remember the left has funny stuff to talk about as well.

  17. It's funny how Hilary had soooo many supporters when she ran against President Obama but because she was under his administration and a female she is being crucified. Sarah Patlin was even criticized/crucified that much! Donald Trump refused to show his tax records, fraudulently filed bankruptcy to avoid paying his workers, stole money from retirees who trusted him with their life savings, his university was a fraud, hired undocumented workers then lied about it ( now he wants to send them back to Mexico) because they formed a union and stood up against his refusal to fairly pay them, and he's a womanizer not mention he talked about sleeping with his daughter Ivanka. And he would be the "one" to run this country? Yikes! Good bye America hello colonialism, dictatorship, authoritarian Hitler regime!

  18. Dump Jr. just proves that the slogan is meaningless platitude.
    "Make America Great", even though the VP will be the one to enact any kind of beneficial policy or action. So they're admitting the VP will work hard and Prez Dump will be the media-whore who takes credit.

  19. Amazing how today the so called "late night shows" are actually lame propaganda for the left. Americans are opening their eyes. Trump will probably win –

  20. I grew up in Indiana, I'm very familiar with how Mike Pence does things… let's say Trump went through with giving his VP, in this case, Mike Pence, full power like that… Well I'm not sure what would happen, but Pence actively fought against all that Planned Parenthood does, discriminates against anyone who isn't heterosexual, and even more in the name of "God." Trump scares me, but his potential VP scares me more.

  21. I dont like to criticize people for having a different opinion than me, but you trump people are just plain stupid. I am terrified, as should be all americans of donald fucking trump becoming president. If you have ever heard trump speak, then you should know how dangerous he would be to not only this country, but the world. Anyone with a brain should be able to see that. And pence is a peice of work himself. I live in indiana and he has really hurt our economy. Im not stupid enough to vote for him but his policies are that of someone living in the middle ages. If you vote for trump and he wins, then i hope you feel proud of yourself for being part in the destruction of this beautiful country.

  22. Mike Pence actually looks like a president,
    he would be the nation's healer like president ford after trump goes away.

  23. lol when stephen said "when lightning struck a jar of mayonaise" you can just imagine his dad sayin: heck yeah it did

  24. Steven Colbert is a boring hack who makes his living on running an insult campain on all who politically oppose the establishment. Its nothing new. So hurl useless insults an great leaders like this one, doesn't make you any less of a hack.

  25. Mike Pence being against LGBT is already putting one thing on him. No wonder Americans hate him…
    But why else do the Americans hate Mike Pence? What have I missed?

  26. facepalm Disney's Mulan is based on a Chinese poem where indeed Hua Mulan (who has different sure names in the different versions, and who is actually more considered as a legend), a very young woman (might as well have been 15), fought in the Chinese army for 12 years. After that she retired in her hometown where her comrades visited her. Only then they found out that she was a woman, were shocked that they never realized it but weren't botherd about it at all. (눈_눈)

    Edit: The poem about Hua Mulan was probably made between 420 and 589 A.D in *CHINA*. (눈_눈)(눈_눈)

  27. Pence is a self-hating gay who hides behind religion and you can tell how often he has had sex with his wife by the number of kids he has.

  28. Imagine if Pence was put in the VP position because he couldn't win the presidential race. Just a thought, what if the "elites" put him as VP because that was the only ways he could make it to that level. So imagine they knew that the people, the ones with functional brains, would not tolerate 45th for long so they put a guy in place that shares their values, is great at politics, really knows the system and how to work it. Again just me playing around in my head, if 45th gets impeached the balance of power automatically shifts to Pence. Just let that marinade in your mind.

  29. Pence is by far the most evil, abhorrent & disgusting thing that Trump's administration begat. He whores himself out for any & every unthinkable machination he thinks he'll benefit from; he's the fucking antichrist

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